Dear Mister Therapist,
by ToBeAJabberwocky
Summary: Series of shorts with no order. A collection, of the artifacts, pictures, and letters that were found in a trunk under the bed of the Deceased, Severus Snape.
1. Chapter 1

**Severus 5th year**

**Lucius 6th year**

A note that would change his path forever, A note that would seal his fall from Grace

* * *

The elderly wizard stepped outside his shop and pulled his mail from the drop box attached to the owl branch and sifted through scrolls and envelopes. His attention suddenly landed on a white muggle styled casing and he looked around at the modestly busy muggle street, before flipping it over and reading,

**"IN PLACE OF SEVERUS SNAPE." **Was written in elegant script.

He narrowed his eyebrows and quickly went inside and checked his files. The Ministry's Child State of Affairs had sent one, fostered, Severus Snape for a mental evaluation. The child had finished his fifth year of Hogwarts and after a violent dispute with another student and some worrying findings, his mental health was asked to be evaluated once the school year was out.

That day, Dameion took his clients as usual but found his mind not so focused on who was in the room, but instead who was not. Time ticked by, and 7:00 rolled around, and after fifteen silent minutes later, Dameion Aggzian leaned over, and pulled the letter from it's pouch.

_Dear Therapist Aggzian,_

_I feel like I'm constantly on a wire. Balancing uncomfortably between the vale of living to work, and living to live. My growing up was in a lower middleclass family who all worked high positions of small branches you see, and this family holds no warmth that a family should. At 16 years of age, my uncle doesn't know he can't even spell my name, I don't remember what my cousins look like, and my father admits to have been going years, without signing a birthday card or buying me a gift. At the start, my Father asked for proof of my claim of such transgressions, I dumped 6 years of card giving holidays on to the table. All of which, my mothers and father signature sat signed, in only my mothers hand. At first I didn't know why collected those cards, but somehow I think I always knew._

_You see, my father kills animals. Openly and freely and currently. When I lived at my parents home, we had a few trees out back, and that meant we had squirrels and chipmunks and animals of similar sorts. They would bury their winter stashes into the ground every fall and ruin my fathers yard. My father puts paint buckets out, I bet you'll even find them this fall, and he fills them 70% full with water, and then leaves tissue paper over the top, and put seeds onto it. The animal would jump onto the tissue paper, fall through and drown. Numerous occasions, I watched and heard the screams of animals dieing at a very early age. My mother ignores it. _

_I think I dad beats my mom..._

_Here's my theory... When people loose who they are, to money and possessions and suddenly how they live is more important than living.. I think a part of them dies. My family... is not a family. On top of the thing's I've stated before. Noone talks to each other except brother and sister. I mean I don't talk to my cousins, my cousins don't talk to me. My dad doesn't talk to my mom's side. My mom has no contact with my father's. There is no anger or animosity.. they just.. have no interest too. I feel as though the only reason we see each other on the holidays is because of it's social norm. (We never see each other any other time, besides funerals.)_

_I don't agree. I think a family is a close unit, not a group of strangers. I can't stand it. It's something that drives my anger. Family means no one gets left behind. But, my entire family besides my mother, has left me behind and apparently fully given up custody. My family is a Ritta Skitter believing, High blood with low blood lifestyle, Unemotional, uncaring family._

_At my Grandfathers funeral... they talked of bars and Quittatch. The daughter of the deceased cooked everyone burgers. Everyone brought a dish. It was a quite lively event._

_I do not want to go back with them._

_I took away my Father's right to be called "Dad" when I was 6. I told everyone he was punished and was a terrible father and didn't deserve the title. I still agree. When I was a teen, one day I was left alone at the house and I cut all his faces out of the family pictures and replaced them in the frames perfect. I told my mom, he was nothing but a drunk, and he didn't deserve to be in our family. By my father's clear love of Booze and fondness for using fists and hex's, I still think I'm correct._

_My father was TERRIBLE to my grandmother before she died. He always threw the ear at me every time she called. Growing up, He'd leave the house or run up the stairs and lock himself in his office, if she were to try and get in touch. She only wanted her sons's attention, and he was mean to her every time. But the weeks before she died, He was playing the sad son card.. He was always by her bedside and saying of how he treated her so well. No. You don't just treat someone like that, and turn around and plead i love you and make it up in a week_

_My mother has the only heart. My mother's care for her mother is amazing. my mothers care for me is amazing as well. My mother is the only one who loves or expresses in my interests. Though she has emotional handicaps, she never leaves me needing anything.. and that's why I think he's doing something to her. Because if my mom sees emotion like I do, I know she sees something isn't right. She has to see it right? I think so._

_My mother's brother, is the one who can't spell my name. My mom has no emotional social skills, (ref. earlier) and always told me it was a therapists job to do the talking and advice, not her. She said it was because she never knew how to talk to me. My retort of, you should you go to therapy to learn to talk to me instead, was always ignored._

_._

_Trust. It's said to be the most important thing of any sort of relationship. I assume family means that as well._

_There is no trust.. I mean, it was out of my head before I hit 5. At about 10, It was obvious I was messed up emotionally and mentally, which is why my mom bought me my first Journal. My mom was really into the thought, so she went all out to make sure i'd like it. She promised it was my secret place. That no one would ever know and "every young man needs a place for those private thoughts..."_

_About.. 2 months later my mom brought me into my first therapist. She left me alone in the room, and the lady turned around holding open in her hand, my journal. This lead to my first two week stay at a mental institution. Pay attention, this book symbolizes my first "privet place"._

_Resentment isn't even the word for it... Anger.. nope. I was shattered. On top of watching my emotionless father kill animals, dump punches and potions into my body, and ignore me the other 99% of the time, my parents were notorious for their jail house style room checks. And before you start thinking drugs... i will assure you now, that's not the case._

_I guess you got a note today instead of a person because, I'm weird and have issues... I don't know who I am. I never got to learn. I never had a childhood. I don't have a social life. But, I do know a few things. I can't trust people. Mental hospitals, Psychiatrists, pharmaceuticals, dentists and therapists, teachers.. they all lie that they care. If they live by the pay check they work by the paycheck. You can make more money off of treating cancer then curing it. Same thing. I'm sorry if that insults you.. but it's all I've ever seen._

_Through my family I have learned, hurting animals is okay and completely allowed. That meant kicking cats, throwing knives at a stays, drowning small animals, poisoning local bird nests and killing my Childs pet when he goes away to school, then saying "I told you feeding was your responsibility,". _

_I learned your S.O. will stay and protect you, even when your wrong. I leaned children should be ok with all of it, and not talk about it or get the vomit beaten out of them. I learned family means nothing and when family dies it's a family meet up with burgers and hot dogs where we talk of sports and purchases while we drink cheap charade and toast to life. If that wasn't bad enough. I learned that all of this can happen while living in a good house, with somewhat fancy things, and a lively paycheck. It only seems to get worse the more or less you have..._

_My name is Severus Snape. I am 15 years old and I am safe. I have moved as far into safety as possible by having the Malfoy's foster me, and I'm slowly starting to be able to live again. I have friends. I haven't self harmed for 4 months. I'm doing ok._

_I am not a danger to myself. I am not a danger to others. I have no thoughts about harming myself. I do not have thoughts about harming others. Between 1 - 10 my week so far has been about a 7. I did not show up on my own free will today. I am most likely went out with friends, which is why I left you this. _

_I'm not sorry... But, maybe you can understand._

_Signed,_

_Severus T. Snape_

* * *

R&amp;R


	2. Chapter 2

_Lucius,_

_I finally have the paperwork for your family to sign. I'll be able to come back in two days or so, I'll see you then. They called Dumbledore and McGonagall and we all went into a small room and they talked about me. It would have been less insulting if they just kept me outside.. seeing how I was not allowed to comment, just sit there and listen._

_Minerva fought against the legal adoption while Dumbledore saw reason in baring my father to regain any sort of custody.. My shoulder is still stiff by the way, I'll need to use your fathers Potions lab when i get back._

_It's funny, after all this being about me. I've actually said little to nothing at all. I left a note for the therapist, and they advised me to keep silent during the meeting. I know I don't say much anyway..but its odd how all this is about me, but my words mean nothing and are silenced._

_I want to keep my last name and that would be basic respect on your part. I know you don't understand.. but maybe I can bring the Snape name up. Maybe I can do something good with this name.. Maybe I'll end up dyeing alone like my father.. Either way I want to try._

_\- Severus Snape._

The grey eye's lifted from the parchment and looked around the empty bedroom before pulling his wand and running the tip along the bottom of the page, grinning when hidden words bled into view,

_Now I suppose it's time for confessions,_

_I haven't eaten in 2 days and I can't bring myself too. When I try, I throw up, when I throw up my throat burns more and my stomach hurts at night. Maybe everyone's right... Maybe I'm not ok.. Maybe I'm "broken" and "screwed up."_

_My answer to you is yes.. I will come with you and gain my Dark Mark and rise high as a Knight of Darkness. My first was amazing and the rush has be itching for more.._

_Maybe I am my father. Maybe somehow all the screams of animals had driven me to liking the screams of humans. Maybe the blood warms me in ways I've never felt. It's the connection you were talking about. To hold one's life source is an invigorating feeling. I like doing it slow. I like prolonging the deaths.. I like their begging.. I like being their god, their reaper, and their casket barer._

_Lilly is gone.. So my life can begin._

_\- The Half Blood Prince._


	3. Chapter 3

_To Whom It May Concern, _

_I am sending this letter to the last known Emergency Contacts of Severus Tobias Snape. As of August 15th of this year, 24 year old, Severus Snape has been admitted to St. Mongos under Magical Law Enforcement, __after being found with blood not belonging to him on his hands and clothing, illegal __narcotics over dosing his system and a well off wound going from his neck to his right bicep. Upon further evaluation we found a blackened __Dark Mark on his left arm and have responded justly. If you, or any fellow patrons know or have a relationship connection with this man, we ask you to step forth if one would testify his actions and behaviors. _

_We are aware of his adoption and in turn, we are not contacting his biological family but those of his now adopted family along with his schooling teachers. __Below is a list of Transgressions and Suspicions he will be rightfully charged for. _

On September 18th of this year, Severus Tobias Snape will be tried for:

Between 17 and 100+ counts of voluntary torture using non-magical methods. - Under Suspicion Of

123 counts of Illegal Potion brewing and distribution - Upon legal allowing, **Aurors** raided his flat and found multiple illegal contrabands.

85 counts of voluntary manslaughter. - His blood and trace has been linked to all of these cases.

45 counts of use of illegal spells, and curses. - Wand tracing and history.

12 counts of Magic in front of Muggle - witness and traced.

4 counts of narcotic behavior and usage. - blood tests, behavior, and admittance.

1 count of conspiracy and aiding He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. -Dark Mark

1 count of resisting arrest - resulting in three (3) Maimed or disfigured **Aurors**.

_With a record this extensive I understand the desire to refuse contact with the tried. But if you wish to plead his case or watch the trial. It will be held in the Ministry of Magic, floor five (5) on September 18th of this year at promptly __nine in the morning (9Am). If found guilty amongst a jury of his peers, Severus Snape will spend the rest of his human bound life in Azkaban for crimes against the magical world and crimes against humanity._

_Thank you for your time and understanding,_

_-Ministry of Magic_

_Decree of Crime &amp; Law Enforcement. _


	4. Chapter 4

**_Two chapters in an hour.. I'm loving this break from my 5,000+ word chapters in my other story Lol, Let me know what you think, I would like to maybe start tying dialogue after this chapter which I will do later whenever... if you like that theory let me know. If I should stay strictly within the note writing that would also be very helpful._**

* * *

_Headmaster Albus Dumbledore._

_While I am very grateful you have spared my life from Azkaban on your own wishes.. I must plead my uneasiness joining the school in which my potential students and their parents have undoubtedly seen my face and name in the Daily Prophet. I am concerned of the backlash and undesirable attention this would bring to myself and your distinguished school. _

_While I know I pled my loyalty to you and your...Order... I must think of my own mental health along side with those of my "students". I am not a man of sensitivity and equal mindedness. I do agree with you on one thing, and it may become the reason I join your __staff. __Head of Slytherin, would greatly increase my chance of saving Slytherin's like myself, from a fate much like my own. I am deeply honored for this chance to redeem myself on top of the promises which were previously made. I am aware of chances like this, for criminals with a nasty records like my own, will never get again._

_If i were to be brought to the school on staff attendance next year, __you would be asked to sign as my parole officer along with that of Lucius Malfoy. I will have check-ins, drug tests, and I would be wearing a tracking anklet for the first 2 to 3 years of my life in your school. My wand would be under strict watch and there would be random checks that would work around my class schedule, along with staff checks on my behavior and loyalty._

_I say to you, I would like this chance to reform myself, not only for me but for those long past. There is something extremely wrong with the Deatheater circle... and to help would be the greatest thing I've done with my entire life. I just worry of the stipulations and stress my past would bring to you and to your school._

_If all is agreed and you still wish to hire me, I have attached my court papers that you would have to sign and send owl to the Ministry before the start of term next year. Upon arrival date, I will be escorted by 3 officials who will assign my tracking brace accordingly and will address your staff to rules and regulations pertaining to me and my case requirements. _

_Thank you for your time Headmaster, and as a parting note from a past student... I personally think you finally lost your mind._

_Yours with lacking honor,_

_Severus T. Snape._


	5. Chapter 5

_To: __Severus T. Snape_

_From: __Magic&amp;Life - Drug Rehabilitation Clinic For Magical Male Incarcerates_

_Dear,_

_Mr. Snape._

_Congratulations!_

_You have successfully completed your 2nd year of the Rehabilitation Program. For the past year you have been out on your own, and have complied to __70__out of __73 __random drug tests, gone to __88%__of the groups, and passed __100%__of the drug tests that were given._

_We are here by graduating you to Level 2 of your 5 Step program, (to be finish on your own time) and bid you good luck and hope all the lessons you learned and healthy habits you gained so far, will follow you into the next __part of your rehabilitation and overall success._

_Your first 'Level 2' meeting will be on __20th of November__of this year._

_We have attached:_

**_A list of therapists -_**_one of which you will contact and have a private appointment and note of proof before the stated date. _

**_A list of _********_behavior analysis_**_**specialists**__\- You are to take the two standard tests by two months from printed date above._

**_List of magical healers - _**_Terms of you medical accomplices states, you will begin a medication treatment if determined by the group you choose above._

_Again, _

_Congratulations __Severus T. Snape__,_

_You have rose from your stone coin to your metal __journey coin. A second magical reminder of where you came from and where you used to be at your lowest. Inside this coin is extractable memories and pictures from the second part of your recover, entry paperwork and your medical, memory, __and recovery plans and personal progress. We hope when you need it the most, you will look back and see how far you have come._

_Please remember, one day at a time. And if you need any support or assistance, do not hesitate to contact your group, any of our volunteers on the list, or come down to a safe house for a night to be around those who are clean and an environment which will support your needs. _

_Your recovery is important to your loved ones and the magical community as a whole._

_Congratulations one last time! _

_Yours in faith and clarity,_

_Madam and Mister Correnfield_

_Head of - __Magic&amp;Life - Drug Rehabilitation Live-In/Outpatient Clinic For Magical Male Incarcerates._

Professor Snape's teeth grit and his fingers crumpled the paper, tossing it into fireplace next to his office desk. After a quick shot of alcohol, his eyes landed on the lists of folded parchments and quickly the metal coin that glistened in the firelight. He looked at it for many silent minutes before his fingers slowly landed over the coin, and pulled into the top desk drawer.


	6. Chapter 6

It was a private letter that dropped in front of Lucius Malfoy as he sat at his desk of his office, in the Manor. The blond looked around before turning his eyes the paper, which showed a different note to him then what was written to the rest of the world.

_Lucius,_

_"Post Turmeric Stress" - as the Muggles call it, is when one can not escape the actions their personal past. It's a demon that rears his head whenever the slightest relatable memory is triggered._

_I understand their whispers now. Of the others... I'm having dreams and after that last poisoning... I can't take any of the potions or drinks these nurses give me here in St. Mongos, unless they are made in front of me._

_It's happening, the war is affecting me in ways we thought it could not.. and all I can do is suck it up.._

_It's been four years since I started at Hogwarts, and finally the staff has seemed learn to ignore and walk around me. Parents have stopped protesting and Albus's decision seems to be accepted.. however forced it is._

_I need you to do something for me, I have been feeling an 'itch' and I wouldn't mind spending my few days away from the castle at your manor, where I will not be left to the destruction of my thoughts... I'll be happy to entertain Narc and young Draco._

_I should be discharged tomorrow evening around 7pm, if you could sign me out I would widely prefer that to a staff member, or worse the Aurors. We can go out and drink, my esophagus should be up for it. If not, we'll find out._

_Yours in blood brotherhood,_

_Severus Snape._


	7. A Picture and an unrelated note

**Anyone want to phone in an idea where this should go? Let me know R&amp;R please**

* * *

**A Picture and an Unrelated Note.**

_A Picture:_

_His long blond hair waves in the sun that reflects grey off of the moving white and black photo. _

_His school robes move and shift with movements that glint a sliver badge on school robes._

_His arm drapes over the shoulders of a grinning, laughing young girl. An eyebrow raises and a smiles cracks through uncomfortable looking features._

_She stands slouched under his heavy looking arm, showing weight and comfort as she gives a laugh, suddenly shifting her stance to hold his growing weight on her._

_Her knees give out and she topples over laughing._

_He catches himself with a step, giving a dark smirk of his own. _

His name is Lucius Malfoy.

Her name was Lily Evans.

They would never speak in any other situation, and in any other situation he would never touch her.

They stand on a bank somewhere far off the grounds of Hogwarts. In the mountains where the air is clean.

That summer was the for the King of Snakes, The Queen of Snake Pit, The coldest one of them all, and flower that shone most beautiful.

* * *

An Unrelated Not

_Lucius:_

_Happy bloody birthday you blond haired git._

_Another year pass, another year you cheated death you lucky prick._

_Draco is fitting in fine within the house in his first year. Potter is remarkably like his father as expected, doing what needs to be done will be done earlier if his stupidity continues. Minerva gave him a spot on the Quidditch team starting now... so I'm quite certain it will not take long until the cockiness begins to show, and he begins strutting around the school like James. Dear Merlin Lucius, you have to save me... I can't go back to Azkaban..especially for killing Harry Potter, but it's so hard not to strangle him, like i did his dad... I bet his neck snaps just like his father._

_Enough incriminating talk, I'm drinking like you were here and a bit loose lipped._

_Please Forgive the unworthy._

_I will see you at the Manor Saturday around 6:30. We can all celebrate your birthday, if it's anything like the last three years, I'll need the next three days to recover. _

_Age is just a state of mind my friend. _

_Age is just a state of mind. _

_-H.B.P._

* * *

**R&amp;R please with any idea or opinion**


	8. Itch

_An itch. _

_I need of something not allowed to have._

_A work place. It's rules._

_Feaning against drug tests to prove a innocents only held behind a mask of lies and threat of imprisonment._

_I have not changed I have only gotten better at hiding who I really am. _

_I am a willing Murderer behind a mask of a teacher. Each student who angers me becomes a part of a plan i will never act on._

_A plan I can not act on._

_You opinions do not faze me._

_You will never know who I really am._

_I will never let you. _

_I broke once and I have promised never to do it again._

_Severus is a man I show to the world._

_The Half Blood Prince is who I really wish to be._

_The flower wilted and left me with the anger of abandonment of promises and cruelty of fate._

_The world does not care. Neither do I._

_Another tick. _

_Another broken pipe and needle cartage I leave shattered on the floor._

_I will clean it up after class._

_Maybe._


	9. 1,483

**_"Would you like to take your jacket off?"_**

**_"Severus did your father ever make you feel unsafe?"_**

**_"Did your father ever touch you inappropriately?"_**

**_"How are you feeling?"_**

**_"Does anything hurt?_**

**_"Are you hungry?"_**

**_"Why won't you talk to us...?"_**

**_"Can someone please bring in _****_Lucius Malfoy?"_**

'Selective Muteisum.' A sort of personal control he established from seven years old and would follow him for the rest of his life.

When the episodes would occur he spoke with Narcissa, Lily, and Lucius Malfoy.

Those three, and only those three...At the end, two...

The young man stepped into the room, Lucius was only 10 with blond spiking hair, and a look danger hung in his eyes. At the time, because Lucius's father dropping a notion of neglect to some Ministers, Severus was sent a Ministry assigned therapist where signs of child abuse shone through and a small case was starting to be built...

If only Severus would talk to them.

Lucius sat himself at the child's table and looked over to 8 year old Severus who drew stick figures with a black crayon.

"I was wondering if you could be a big boy, and help me help your friend, Severus."

Lucius looked from the women/man pair of therapists who sat rather uncomfortably in small chairs with pads in their laps and a quill in a hand, then at his disheveled looking friend who had slowed his breathing, listening and waiting for Lucius's move.

The young blond leaned across the table and took the pad from both of their laps and placed them infront of him, one hand resting on the top, before giving Severus small jab with his elbow. Severus turned his head to the side and gave Lucius a dark look.

"What do you want to know?" Lucius said for the two of them.

"Can you ask him-"

"No. He can hear you...Ask him." Lucius snarled.

"My apologies." the women said to the both of them before turning to Severus, who looked up and stiffened.

"Severus... I grew up with a mom and a dad who did everything they could to support me and keep me healthy.. we used to do a lot of things as family, a lot of them were lots of fun. I remember one time, we went to this giant carnival and i was so persistent to go on the farris wheel alone... "Because I was an 'adult'" The joke died in silence as both boys stared at her uncomfortably.

"Anyway.. the Farris Wheel broke and I was stuck on the top for 3 hours by myself. I was so scared, but when i got down my mom and dad brought me for ice cream.. Did your family do anything togeather? Did they ever help you through something scary?"

Severus shook his head no and the women gave a nod.

"Severus, is a lot of fighting in your house?"

Severus looked away.

"Severus...look at me please?"

He refused until he felt another jab in the arm, and the feeling of Lucius's hand wrapping around his in childlike reassuring.

Severus thought for a moment before leaning over to Lucius, who ducked his head and listened as his friend whispered a paragraph into his ear.

" He said no. He will not look at you because he can't trust you. Tobias.. his dad. Told him that people like you are 'homewreckers..' you go into peoples houses and you take kids from their families ... He doesn't want to loose his sister and mom."

"Is that all your father said?"

Severus looked at Lucius uncomfortably before shaking his head no.

"Did he say he would hurt you?"

The female therapist asked the questions while the male watched as Severus. The boys hand tightinged around that of Lucius's who squeezed back.

_Nerves. _ The doctor wrote in his mind as he saw a slight line of perspiration bead on the pale boys forehead. Before the meeting, he had made the room hotter in attempt to see under the boys sleeves for the first time.

"Severus, would you like to take your jacket off?"

"No." Lucius answered for Severus who had lowered his head.

"_Can_ you take your coat off?" The male therapist interjected.

The boy did not move and Lucius was looking down at him, waiting for a sign or answer.

Severus allowed his jacket to slip off his shoulders, exposing bone thin arms covered in bruises and cuts that pushed both adults back into their chairs.

* * *

_1,483_

_A 15 year old boy with ear length black/green hair and a awkward lip pierced smile, stands next to an excited looking 17 year old Lucius, who would swing his arm over his new brothers' shoulder and smile happily. A professional looking father stood behind Lucius and a warm looking mother had a hand resting on either son's shoulder._

_'1,483 Days ' was written on the sign Severus held._

_1,483 Days... Over four years of foster care and hell._

_Four long years of being transported between the Black household, after Sirius left after a quirish that sent him with his beastly friends, and The Malfoy's, and the few failed attempts the court gave him with his father._

_1,483 days and he was now -Severus Tobias Malfoy-Snape_

_He kept his last name on request but legality forced the name of Malfoy to script._

_He didn't mind, the name brother meant more than any last-name could hold for him, and among the populous he would use Malfoy until he became legal and change it back._

_He still had much to do to rise the name of Snape his mother had dirtied and his father cursed, and Severus was a man of honor and promised himself one day, 'Snape' would mean something to someone._


	10. From The Castle Top

**From The Castle Tops**

He sat on top the steel, three story play castle that stood tall on the hill overlooking Spinner's End and the outskirt community of the industrial section of London.

At the top of the staircase there was a sitting area surrounded by bars with a tunnel that lead as the only way besides the stairs he ascended from. This was an area he went to think as a child, and would continue on far as an adult.

Severus pulled a pack of smokes from his robes pocket, and kicked one up to between his lips. He tilted his head down and snapped his fingers which erupted a small flame that lit the stick. He took a deep inhale before exhaling from his nose and turning his inked eyes to the cityscape, listening dogs barking at random and cars from the highway close by or from the small activity below.

His eyes scanned the the city lining against the muggle light pollution as he took another inhale, turning his lip up on the breath out and wishing for the clean air and natural light of Hogwarts. It would be his final year at the school, and Severus would be return with a darkened, tainted magic that centered in the middle of his forearm.

Lucius, his brother, his only true family would miss his final year, miss the sight of the man he had become. He was darker and more dangerous, filled with anger and resentment for the world that beat and neglected him since birth. He was through with the never ending abuse in the physical and from the heart. He locked himself away the summer before, away from the world that showed no mercy to a man who had done nothing wrong.

His summer had been taken up by brewing poisons and potions for the Dark Lord from the basement of the Riddle House. His homework had been completed for him to save time, and he worked tirelessly for large amounts of money and worthy rewards. In later years, his work would be linked hundreds on hundreds of murders , tortures and revenges that spanned the isles and even hit overseas. Overtime, all this darkness would taint the poor mans heart, even though he was so young, he quickly turned cold and pushed the world he destroyed away.

This year would be interesting…

Very interesting indeed...


	11. Unwanted Guest

**Note to Self:**

**1994 - Harry Potters Third Year**

_It's happening again. The dreams and the paranoia. It's because that wolf is here and Sirius is free. I don't know why, but everytime I see him I get flashes… The same flashes when I think about my demons but flashes of school… _

_I remember everything, the time they broke my hand because i knocked into him, the incident by the tree… everything, and although Lupin was never a main perpetrator, the connection is sending me into me into stress._

_It never just stays a slight irritation. As the thoughts drift from the abuse from the Marauders to the abuse of my father, then to the Dark Lord and present, I notice my tics are coming back… The picking, the paranoia, the fact I can't turn my back to anything anymore. _

_God Damnit whats wrong with me! _

_The disease of war weathered insanity._

_No. _

_Lupin can't have this effect over me.. He can't be spiraling me back to where I was.. back to the dumpster and filth…_

_But I can't ease the tension.._

_The beatings are getting worse as I come up with less and less information for the Dark Lord. _

_Albus is straining the Dark Lords tensions too much._

_I don't even think Albus cares about how much blood i lose each meeting and all the risk I take every mission.. That or he doesn't think about it. If he did, he would throw me more than meer morsels of information to give. _

_Either way I'm alone. _

_I was born alone, and I will die alone. _

_I'll die on some floor draining of blood or choking on my vomit just like my father.. just like they said I would._

_Why disappoint._

_What is the expectation I am truly to live up too?_

_What left is for me, if there is nothing left I love. _

_How to live when you lack the basic human understanding._

_Just one time…_

_Just to go to sleep.._

_I'll keep control._

_I will. _

_Just to get a few minutes of silence and release. _

_Just once so I can breath._

_._

**The sound of buzzing comes from off the distance, bringing the man to look from his nearing mistake. **

**It was the wolf's potion… **

**As if he needed more of reminder...**

.

.

_Fuck you, Lupin..._


	12. A Letter Never Sent

**So.. the idea of chapter hits close to home for me in my realtime life.**

**So did the first chapter in case you were wondering**

* * *

**A Letter Never Sent**

A sealed envelope,

A letter to an old lover, a best friend.

A letter that was never sent a letter that lay for al ong time untouched. 

Lily Evans.. 

Just as he had finally got his second chance...

_Abuse._

_Lily, a__buse takes the form of scars in very particular ways, in fashions of which we as humans recount as trauma…_

_From the start I was not a lucky man, while my out worldly needs were met, my emotional were not. The screaming and fighting, I now can't stand the sound of it, though I find my own voice raising out of control quite often. He was a tick in my mind, a vision of evil, my father. He terrified me as a child and scared me as an adult. And for those my own age…_

_Well, that's not an entirely different story... _

_While there had been few that were tender, the conjunction of petty rivalry mixed with blood and power, created a diluted dream of what I once wanted. I had finally silenced the screams that rang my ears, and my enemies taunted me no more._

_There was just silence._

_Beautiful,_

_Beautiful,_

_Silence.._

_In the end of ends, the world is black and bleak. There was simple auditory that sampled me with uplifting emotions, however temporary they were. And people who took stride by my side, now fade into the fog of my memory. No one stays for long, and those who do, hold deep memories that lay as scars along the heart._

_For those I love, I shall suffer._

_The life I try to lead now is that of the possibility of a brighter outlook, a redemption of times that past, and a brighter future with beautiful and unknown adventures.._

_I believe that is what I miss the most. The freedom of learning what was yet to be known; __the wounder of things we now only glance at._

_There are many ailments wrong with me, but still I strive for stability of happiness however deep the shade or the shadows that resides. It has been a short road of childish mistakes, but now my voice has come to me and I am ready to sing._

_Oh Merlin Hallelujah, The life I once lived is dead._

\- Severus Snape


End file.
